so i know i said i wouldn't be writing in here anymore... and for the most part, you won't be seeing any new entries.  however, i happen to be in a writing mood... so here goes.

having just finished my first round of bschool midterms, i am starting to feel a mild element of anxiety and something else.  i haven't clearly identified what that something else is.  perhaps it's the fact that i don't feel as competent anymore, especially with the more competitive environment. 

and in actuality, i really am not competent.  the only environment that i've learned to excel in is school (unfortunately not as well as i would like so far in bschool)... and that environment is going to change very soon.  the uncertainty and unfamiliarity of the future simply scares me because i wonder how i will perform in the new setting.  there will be no real grade, no real standard to compare myself to... besides getting promoted i suppose. 

this semester, i am taking a fairly light courseload compared to previous semesters.  in the time that has passed, i have wasted quite alot of time doing unproductive things.  i think i'm going to try to use my time more wisely... actually paying more attention to real world issues and current events instead of living my college bubble of purely coursework and grades.  because in reality, and i wish i had realized this sooner, schoolwork does not make much of a difference in the long run.

so new goals: watch news, read non-coursework related books that i normally would not read, and why do i always feel like i need a third item.

so things are settling into place... i think i should make a point to meet more people and nurture new relationships.  i'm so lazy when it comes to this... usually i'm not interested in making the effort. 

*sigh*... roommate is still out... i think i'll just go to sleep. 

of course i never thought i'd ever make a gay guy jealous and possessive over his um significant other.  but it happened today while i was walking out the door of south quad.  i saw this meticulously styled and dressed guy, with a shirt saying something, going the opposite way.  as a natural shirt reader, i squinted at his shirt to make out the words.  it was then i noticed the guy walking immediately behind the logo shirted guy.  he sped up and then proceeded to put his arm around the former guy, while putting himself between the two of us, as if he thought i was eyeing what was his and wanted emphasize that he was not available. 

lol.

that is what i label as great funny.  i'm totally not interested in guys who spend more time on themselves than i do... even if they were straight cuz then that's just weird.  could you imagine?  it would be a violation of some code if i were to ever say the following words to someone i was involved with: "dude you look fine, no you don't need any more accessories or more gel.  now let's go already!"

i had a transforming revelation this afternoon.  well, not really.  but it did give me that twirly feeling in my stomach and a whole head rush effect coupled with the feeling that can only be depicted by homer simpson's classic, "doh!"

while i was at the agency picnic, there was a fiddler on the grass entertaining the guests enjoying their lunch under the tent.  he played a variety of all-time favorite tunes, which were hummed along to by several people including myself.  there was clementine, yankee doodle, ... and then... all of a sudden, the fiddler broke out into an elusive but extremely familiar tune... that seemed suspiciously current for some odd reason.  i strained to remember where i had heard it before, but unable to do so and immensely bothered by my inability, walked up to the fiddler and demanded where that tune was from. 

"'if i was a rich man,' from the fiddler on the roof," said the fiddler on the grass. 

and it was then i realized... it was a current song afterall... it was gwen stefani's adaptation, "rich girl," of the original musical song.  the thing that bothered me the most was, i own a dvd copy of the fiddler on the roof and all this time, i never noticed a similarity between the two.  and then i had another thought... how many other adaptations are there playing right now that i am pathetically oblivious to? 

a business card.  nothing special, important, or particularly noteworthy.  it's practically almost a mundane item in our daily lives.  

that is... until you have your own first legitimate business cards presented to you. 

there is an inexplainable reaction that takes place upon seeing your name and position printed on the little 2' x 3' card with the business logo on the side and information underneath.  i really can't describe it accurately... it's a mixture of ridiculous satisfaction, silly excitement, and the itching desire to give it to somebody.  lol. 

oh you know what i'm talking about!  where you coyly reach into your purse and hand it to someone with the words "here's my card," knowing that your name looks so damn good in black print.  lol, jk. 

what is so appealing about business cards with your name on it anyway?  could it be that it gives off a notion that you actually matter enough to have a card of your information to give out to people?  or that you're needed in some way or form?  that you have a significant role/position? 

it must be the way we were taught to think from childhood.  teachers were so insistent on having you put your name on your work... taking responsibility for the brilliance or failure of your efforts.  as we would strive to achieve high marks and recognition, it is imperative that we protectively mark our work in fear that someone else may try to take credit for it.  in high school we were constantly competing for the higher rank, hoping to see our names in the list of top 10.  it has become generally a good thing to see your name in print.  no anonymity for us!  you want your name to be known! 

well unless your work sucks or you've made a social blunder.  then i think you would prefer your name not to be known... assuming that you are like most people. 

i wonder who i'll end up giving the first of my cards to.  :D